Desire Decays
Content note: This poem contains themes of depression and suicidal thoughts.
The worst kind of lonely is not being alone,
It’s talking to people and still feeling unknown.
Their words barely touch me, don't linger, just drown.
I answer, but nothing of me has been found.
— ✧ —
I reach out at times and hope someone will stay,
But shallow replies only push me away,
And sometimes I think it would hurt less to quit,
Than live in a world where I don't quite fit.
— ✧ —
And that’s when the thought starts pressing in tight,
If this is all living, then why keep the fight?
Maybe it’s easier just not to stay,
To fold into silence and drift away.
— ✧ —
The worst kind of lonely is hearing them speak,
Their voices are loud but their words feel damn weak.
They smile and they nod, but they don't really see,
And their words fade away, but they linger in me
— ✧ —
I think about ending it most every night,
The thought of no morning feels almost like light.
If all that awaits me is silence in crowds,
Then bury me under, not keep me around.
— ✧ —
The truth is, they scatter, they don't want the mess,
They shrink from the darkness I fail to suppress.
So I write to the void just to see if it bleeds,
and hope that one stranger will hear what it needs.
— ✧ —
The worst kind of lonely is standing in crowds,
Their eyes only pass me, blank faces like clouds.
They ask how I’m doing but don’t wait to know,
And the lonelier I feel the less that I show.
— ✧ —
I don’t want your comfort, don’t need your lies,
I’ve swallowed them whole and they rot me inside.
Your cheer feels like poison, your smile like a knife,
I’m tired of choking on other men’s life.
— ✧ —
One day I won’t hunger for voices at all,
The need will decay, the desire will fall.
I’ll rid myself fully of reaching and ache,
And silence will give me the peace I can't fake.
— ✧ —
I dream of a silence that buries my breath,
A darkness that pulls me straight into death.
The thought of no morning, no mask left to break,
Feels softer than breathing, a rest I could take.
Such a raw and emotional piece of writing, Sarah. Many of us have felt that internal loneliness most pronounced when we are with others and it seems like our inner landscape is unrelatable. But our depths are sometimes only appreciated by swimming them alone long enough to find the others that also feel like they are drowning. It can seem solitary, but there are always more of us out here than we can imagine.
Thank you for sharing this, and before anything else, I want to say that the feelings expressed here are serious, and you deserve support, not silence. I’m here with you in this moment.
Your piece is powerful, raw, and painfully clear in its portrayal of feeling unseen. The repeated lines and vivid images sharpen the feeling of isolation, and the writing itself is powerful, but the serious feelings you express are genuine.